Remember Me | Chapter 3/6

[sanalayla]

 Denial, Anger, & Bargaining (a.k.a. Three Stages of Dealing with Amnesia)

When I woke up, I felt groggy and disoriented. After a second, I opened my eyes and saw the familiar surroundings of my Talon bedroom and wondered why something felt off. Still shaking off the last traces of sleep, I realized there was a heavy arm thrown over my waist and when I shifted, I saw that I shared the bed with someone.

I frowned. What, had I over-indulged and decided to hop into bed with my ex-boyfriend? That thought made me wake up a bit more. “Ollie?” My voice was husky with sleep.

He shifted and sat up and I got a clear look at the other occupant in my bed. “Clark?” I winced and touched my head, the ache growing every passing second. I rubbed my eyes – which were swollen – and, suddenly, the events of the past day came flooding back to me. After Oliver had left, I’d been so exhausted, Clark had made me take a nap. Too emotionally drained to argue, I’d let him tuck me in like I was kid. Apparently, he’d decided to join me once I’d fallen asleep. I closed my eyes again and let out a slight groan, falling back against the pillows. So, it hadn’t all been a horrible dream. Damn it.

Clark seemed have to temporarily lost his ability to speak, and when he finally did say something, he sounded angry. “Did you just call me Ollie?”

Flushing a bit, I sat up again to look at him. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” Clark snapped back and then got out of bed. For a second, I was distracted by the fact that he wasn’t wearing anything except his black dress pants. A shirtless Clark Kent in my bedroom wasn’t something I’d ever imagined happening. Okay, well, maybe in my wildest dreams, but they’re called wild for a reason. My face heated up when I realized I was staring at him. I might even have been drooling a little. Figuratively speaking, of course. I think.

As my embarrassment grew, so did my irritation. Throwing off the covers, I slid out of bed, too, and stood up, the bed between us. The bed we’d just slept in together. And since that kind of freaked me out, my voice was a little a sharper than I’d intended. “Look, I’m sorry, but you have to understand that the last time I woke up with some guy in this room, it was Ollie. And that was two weeks ago.”

Clark stared at me in amazement, like he couldn’t believe I’d just said that. Then, he snorted in derision. “As far as apologies go, that’s pretty weak, Lois.”

Unable to deal with the path of the conversation, I just turned around and went to the closet, shutting the door behind me. The Talon apartment is pretty spare, in a lot of respects, but it does boast a pretty awesome walk-in closet. Chloe had said I’d moved all my things to the farm, but I hoped I’d still left some clothes here, anyway. Glancing down, I realized I was only wearing a light pink camisole and my black lacy underwear (thank God I’d decided not to wear a thong). Clark had even removed my bra, which meant he was familiar enough with my sleeping habits to know that I never slept with one.

I tried not to dwell on that too much, while I searched through Chloe’s closet for something suitable to wear. None of her clothes would fit me, of course, since we weren’t even remotely the same size. Finally, I hit pay dirt at the back of the closet. I’d left an overnight bag with some clothes in them – maybe from a trip. A couple of t-shirts and jeans were in the bag, along with an extra pair of shoes. I checked, but there was no bra. Looked like I’d just have to search for it outside. Quickly, I yanked on a pair of jeans and the green t-shirt. It was comforting to be back in my usual uniform, as opposed to the formal clothes I’d worn to the office.

When I finally stepped back into the bedroom, I saw that Clark had spent that time making the bed. And that he’d thrown his dress shirt back on, even though he hadn’t buttoned it up. I couldn’t decide if that made me happy or disappointed. Probably a little bit of both. But I didn’t really think that meant anything, because Clark does have a spectacularly awesome chest and what healthy girl wouldn’t want that view?

I took a deep breath, getting ready to do something I never liked doing. And that was apologizing. “Clark, listen. I’m really sorry.”

Clark looked across the room at me and didn’t say anything. Clearly, he’d decided he wasn’t going to make this easy for me.

So, I continued my explanation. “It’s just… when I woke up, I still thought it was 2008 for a second there. And, really, two years ago, the only person it would have made sense to be waking up with would be Ollie.” I glanced around the room and added weakly, “Especially here.”

Clark was still frowning a bit, but I could feel him thaw, as though he found my explanation a little acceptable. He nodded and then said, unexpectedly, “Maybe we should get our own place.”

“Ah, what?” I took a couple of steps back. “Talk about going from zero to a hundred in less than a second, Clark.”

Clark let out a frustrated sigh. “When you’re at the farm, you’re thinking about Lana. When you’re here, you’re thinking about Oliver. So, maybe, we should just get our own place.” Maneuvering around my bed, he came closer to me and said, gently, “Make our own memories.”

I stared up at him and then shook my head. “That’s not the solution, because you’re looking at the problem wrong. The thing is….” I put my hand on his shoulder and met his gaze head on. “I still have feelings for Ollie.” I immediately felt better after getting that off my chest.

Instead of feeling bad about my declaration, Clark just kind of laughed. “Lois. No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do,” I insisted.

“I know you think you do,” Clark informed me, with a slight smile. “But, seriously, you don’t.” And, then, he had the audacity to roll his eyes, like he couldn’t believe I expected him to believe that.

“No, wait, let me finish.” I wasn’t sure how to get him to understand what I saying, but I knew that he deserved to hear the truth. I kind of walked away from him, trying to figure out what I was trying to say and then turned back. “When Ollie and I broke up, I promised myself I wouldn’t go there, again. I mean, I tried the re-run thing with him once and it didn’t turn out all that great.” I paused and thought back to the look on Oliver’s face when he told me all the terrible things that had happened in the past couple of years. “But things are different now. He’s different.” I looked back at Clark and explained, “He needs me, Clark. In a way he never needed me before.”

Clark considered me for a moment and then his eyes flashed with anger. “So, what? You’re saying that you’re going to go with the guy who needs you the most? If Ollie needs you about fifty percent, then I can win if I need you about eighty percent?”

“No, that’s not it, at all,” I shot back, annoyed that he wasn’t getting it. That wasn’t what I meant. He had no clue what Ollie had been through. I added, “And, besides, you don’t need me. You’re doing fine.”

Clark gave me an unreadable look. “I am?”

“Yes, of course. You’ve got a great job at the DP, you’ve got the whole farm thing sorted out, you’re…” My voice trailed off as I looked him over and finished, with a bit of a grin, “You’re fine. And you’ve even learned how to dress outside the primary colors. Actually, I’m a little impressed.”

Clark was unmoved by my list. “It’s funny you say that, because you picked out this suit,” he informed me, rather dryly.

He might have expected me to laugh at that, but I didn’t. Instead, I looked away from him and let out a sigh. He was making this a lot harder than it needed to be. What exactly was the protocol for breaking up with someone you weren’t technically dating? Or, was it that I was technically dating him, and now I need to technically break up? My latest issue of Cosmo hadn’t exactly explained the do’s and don’ts of amnesia relationships.

Clark’s voice broke into my thoughts. “I have to go, Lois.”

Startled, I turned back to him. “What?”

“I have an errand to run.” Clark was already buttoning up his shirt and gathering up his jacket and tie, looking very distracted. “But, look, I want to tell you something.” He came up to me and grasped my arm, making sure I was looking up at him. “I’m going to need a lot more than Ollie needs you to believe you’re still in love with him.” Then he kissed me briefly and was out the door before I could respond.

***


I stood outside Ollie’s office, debating whether or not to go in. On the one hand, I felt like we needed to talk after all the stuff he revealed to me. On the other hand, I didn’t think it was a good idea to pursue anything with Oliver until Clark realized the two of us were back in the friend zone. Not that I was there to pursue anything. I was mainly there to show him that the things he’d told me didn’t change how I felt about him. But would he get that?

The internal debate I was waging ended, abruptly, when Oliver opened his office door. He wore his work-out pants and nothing else. Given the amount of perspiration on his body, it was clear he’d just been working out. “Lois, you planning on coming in anytime soon?”

“How’d you know I was here?” I asked, curiously, before following him into his office.

He shrugged and picked up a towel. “Misty told me you were on your way up.”

“Oh, right.” His assistant. I had been rather surprised his staff had let me through to the CEO of the company without a fuss, but it seemed they all knew who I was. It made sense that they still had the foresight to let him know I was coming, though.

Oliver turned to me expectantly. “So, what’s up, Lois? I thought we were meeting at 8?”

“Yeah, well….” I tried to figure out how to tell him how confused I was and how I just felt like I needed to talk to him. Preferably without crying all over his shoulder this time. “After our talk, I just….”

“You wanted to cancel dinner?” Oliver cut in and avoided my gaze as he finished wiping himself off. “I mean, I understand. I dropped some heavy duty bombshells on you.”

Since that was so far from the reason I’d come to see him, I was taken aback. “No, I… yeah, we’re still on for dinner. I was worried about you. That’s why I came.”

“Worried about me?” Oliver studied me for a moment and then kind of gave me a nervous smile. “I told you I killed a guy and you come here and tell me you’re worried about me?”

So, he had thought I’d turn my back on him after he told me his deepest, darkest, secrets. “Oliver, we all make mistakes,” I began, but he cut me off again.

“Not of the murdering variety, Lois.”

I shrugged, accepting that. “True. But it seems to me you spent quite a bit of time beating yourself up over your mistake.” Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t condoning murder, but I couldn’t stand to see the bleak look in Oliver’s eyes. I stepped closer to him and put my hand on his arm. “Look, I don’t know what happened between us these past two years. But I’m here now. And I want to be there for you.”

“Well, if I recall correctly, I spent the past two years trying to get you back in my bed and you kept telling me to go to hell.” Oliver let out a little laugh and then added, seriously, “But, Lois, you were there for me. I wasn’t kidding when I said you were one of the main reasons I managed to come out of the darkness in one piece.”

Moved by his words, I offered him tremulous smile. “Good, I’m glad. I’m happy I was there for you.”

“You’re a good friend,” Oliver responded. He took my hand in his and squeezed it gently, as he looked down at me with a soft smile. “And, for that reason, I’m now going to return the favor. You don’t want to do this, Lois.”

I was confused. “Do what?”

“I know that you think you have feelings for me, but you don’t,” Oliver answered.

“Really?” I was a little amused. I didn’t know whether to be offended he thought he knew my inner psyche better than me or grateful that he didn’t think I was a sure thing.

“You love me – as a friend. And…” Oliver hesitated and added, “Clark is a good friend of mine. Even if I set aside our friendship and decided to take this chance with you, I can’t do it to him.”

Say what? I hadn’t been expecting that to be a reason he wouldn’t try again. “Since when did you and Smallville become such good friends?” I considered adding that I hadn’t come to his office to jump him, but then thought that it didn’t really matter.

“Well, our relationship is a little…complicated,” he answered, opaquely. “But I do know this. I respect Clark a lot. And, I respect you.” He pulled away from me and stepped back a few feet, to go get himself some water from his bar. “And because I respect you, I’m not going to do anything to hurt your relationship with the man you love.”

“The man I love?” I repeated. I let out a tiny laugh. What the hell did that even mean anymore? I shook my head and studied him. “What if I tell you the man I love is you, Ollie?”

Oliver let out a deep sigh. “Lois. Do you know how much I wish that was true? But it’s not.”

“It is if I never get my memories back.” With a sigh, I sat down on one of his sofas.

He put down his bottle of water and then came to sit next to me on the couch. He brushed back a strand of hair from my cheek, tenderly, like he used to when we were going out. “Yeah, except you might. And, then, I’ll have to stand there and watch you pick Clark all over again.” This time, when he looked at me, his eyes were shuttered. “I did that once, Lois. I’m not going to go through that again.” Then he brushed his lips against my forehead, fleetingly. “Maybe we should re-schedule our dinner for tomorrow night. You look exhausted, my friend.”

I realized he was giving me an out. To walk away and then we could meet again, back on track as friends. I found I didn’t have it in me to argue with him. Because I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to argue. So I just nodded. “Sure. Okay.”

“Great.” Then he got up and disappeared into the shower adjacent to his office, leaving me with nothing but my scattered thoughts for company.

***


“Lois! What are you doing here?” My cousin’s voice broke into my reverie.

I glanced up from the carton of ice cream melting in my hands. “Where else would I be?”

“The DP? The farm?” Chloe unraveled a long scarf from around her throat and tossed into on the coat rack, along with her coat.

I gave her a look. “I’m staying here tonight.”

“No, you’re not,” Chloe said, with warning in her voice. “You heard what the doctor said.”

“Screw the doctor,” I interrupted. “Chloe, I’m losing my mind.”

My cousin considered me for a moment and then seemed to accept that her usual tactics wouldn’t work. She went to the kitchen, grabbed a spoon and joined me on the sofa. I shifted a bit to allow her room and held out the ice cream. She scooped a spoonful and then said, “OK, shoot. What’s going on?”

I quickly gave her run-down about how my day had gone. She listened silently until I finished up with, “I don’t get it. I went to bed two days ago and everything was normal. And, now, suddenly I wake up and I’m that girl.”

“Who’s that girl?” Chloe asked curiously.

“The girl dangling two guys. In love with one, while another is in love with her,” I explained, with a grimace. Chloe gave me a startled look and then glanced away from me. “I hate those girls. I never wanted to be one. This is crazy.” I knew I sounded pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. And, besides, she was my cousin, she wouldn’t judge me. “How do I make it stop?”

Chloe kind of choked on her ice cream. “Trust me, Lois. I’m the last person you should be asking for advice on about that.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Bewildered, I shoved the spoon in my ice cream and set aside the carton. “Clark keeps telling me I’m in love with him, when I’m pretty sure I’m not. And Ollie tells me I’m not in love with him, when I’m pretty sure I am.” I turned to face her and added, “I swear, Chlo, I feel like I’m not in Smallville, anymore. It’s like I woke up in Crazyville.”

Chloe stared at me for a minute and then swallowed. “I don’t know what to tell you, Lo. I wish I did.”

Suddenly, I felt bad. Here I was, going on and on about my problems, and Chloe had suffered such a huge loss so recently. Uncertain about whether or not I should bring it up, I put my hand on hers and said, gently, “Oliver told me about Jimmy. I’m so sorry, Chloe.”

Chloe seemed to struggle with how to respond. Finally, she said, “Thanks, Lois. But, you know, we don’t really talk about that.”

“We don’t?” I blinked at her in surprise. Clark had said we never talked about Lana. And, now, Chloe was saying we never talked about Jimmy. There seemed to be a whole lot of non-talking going on in our inner circle. “Why is that?”

“I don’t know, really,” Chloe answered, looking a bit confused by my question. “I mean, I guess we could. I just never….” Her voice trailed off and she added, “It’s weird. If someone asked me if they could mind-wipe me of my memories for the past two years, I would have thought I’d leap at the chance.” She glanced my way and kind of smiled. “But now? Watching what you’re going through? I think it’s better to have the memories – good and bad – than not have them at all.”

I let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, well. You and me both.”

“You know, you don’t remember my wedding,” Chloe commented. “You coordinated it.”

“I did?” I tried to imagine myself as a wedding planner and couldn’t really picture it. I usually ran from weddings and refused to have anything to do with them. I’m not really a romantic. “How’d it go?” Awkwardly, I stopped and added, “Um… aside from the monster kidnapping you at the end.”

Luckily, my cousin is used to me putting my foot in my mouth. Because all she did was smile wistfully. “It was beautiful.” Then she got up and went to her bookshelf, pulling out a DVD. She brought it back and handed it to me. “The wedding video.”

I glanced down at it and saw the cover; it was a picture of Chloe and Jimmy smiling together. I felt a lump rise in my throat. They both looked so happy. I hated that I didn’t remember any of those moments. If for no other reason than to be able to comfort Chloe properly right now.

“You want to watch it?” Chloe unexpectedly offered. “I’ve never seen it. Thought it would be too hard.”

I looked at her uneasily. “Are you sure that’s such a good idea? I mean, won’t it be too painful?”

“There are some happy moments in there, too,” Chloe answered, looking a little sad, but kind of smiling. “Maybe it’s time I stopped trying to wipe my own memories. You in?”

I was convinced it was a bad idea, but who was I to argue? And, frankly, I was a little curious to see what my baby cousin’s wedding had been like. Before I could talk myself out of it, I stuck the disc in and sat back to watch it with her. I did move the box of tissues onto the sofa, right between us, just in case.

The opening shots were fairly standard. After awhile, it got to the point where I saw the bridesmaid dress and I turned to her with a snort. “You made me wear orange? Dude, I am so getting you back for this. Prepare yourself for puce.”

“Hey, it was a fall wedding,” Chloe shot back defensively. “And you told me you liked it.”

“I lied,” I informed her, with a slight grin.

She rolled her eyes. “You don’t remember that. So, doesn’t count. Watch the movie.”

With a laugh, I turned my attention back to the screen and saw Clark for the first time. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs at the Kent farm and then he looked up, although I couldn’t see what he was looking at. It became apparent, after awhile, when I saw my future (although younger) self walk onto the screen. Oh, apparently, he’d been checking me out. Uneasy about where this was going, I turned to my cousin. “Yeah, I think we should forward this part.”

“Ssshh,” Chloe said, leaning forward a bit to squint at the screen. “I haven’t seen this before.”

“You haven’t seen any of it,” I reminded her.

“No, I mean, I wasn’t there,” Chloe answered impatiently. “Sh! ”

I rolled my eyes and focused on the screen again. And, then, immediately felt weirded out by what I saw unfold. It wasn’t as much how he was looking at me (I’d gotten kind of used to those looks over the past day) but it was more about how I was looking at him. Like I was a lovesick teenager acting all clumsy around my first crush.

Now, to understand exactly how bizarre that was, you need to understand that I was never a lovesick teen even when I was a teenager. My first crush was a guy with a Harley and we used to skip class to smoke behind the bleachers. Trust me when I say I never looked like that when I hung out with him. So watching Future Me give Clark all those looks was bemusing, to say the least.

Then, I watched as she (or, rather, me) said to the camera, “You know what the General always says. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.” I snorted a bit at that, and then let out a laugh when I saw Future Me ask the camera guy to edit it out. Personally, I kind of liked that the camera guy had left it in.

The knot in my stomach eased as we watched the rest of the wedding. Chloe had been right. It was beautiful and I was proud I’d been the one to pull it off – orange dress not-withstanding. The ceremony ended and then the dancing started. And, then, my anxious knot returned when I saw Clark pull me onto the dance floor.

I jumped up and exclaimed, “Okay, well, that’s pretty much it, right?” I reached for the control, but Chloe stopped me. Since it was her wedding and all, I felt compelled to sit back down and keep watching. And, sure enough, regretted it almost immediately when I saw that Clark and I were about to kiss each other. I cringed, mentally preparing myself to watch one of those public displays of affection I hated when something bizarre happened.

I heard Chloe say – off screen – “Lana!” and then Clark froze. The camera followed Chloe as she ran to Lana and gave her a hug. And, then, for some inexplicable reason, panned back to Clark and me. And, then, I watched as my younger self looked at Clark with a heart-broken expression and left the dance floor, as he continued to stare at Lana, not even registering that she (or, I guess, me) was walking away.

Breathing in sharply, I grabbed the remote and shut the TV off. “You know what, Chlo? You’re just torturing yourself for no reason. Let’s go out and get a couple of drinks.”

“You’re not allowed to drink alcohol,” Chloe reminded me. “And am I the one being tortured or you?”

I stared down at her. “Did you know about that?”

“I knew there was something weird going on with you guys at my wedding,” Chloe admitted. “But I had no idea you almost kissed.”

I plopped down on the sofa beside her. “Good. Because then I’d have to get on your case for letting me get involved with that…” I thought of a few choices words, but then just ended with, “…jerk.”

“Jerk?” Chloe repeated mildly. “He’s not a jerk. He was just confused back then.”

I nodded slowly. “Riiiiggght.” Then, I couldn’t help but ask, curiously, “So what happened after that?”

Chloe winced. “Now you’re definitely trying to torture yourself.”

“Seriously. Tell me,” I insisted.

“You went to Star City to take care of Jimmy while Oliver tried to look for me,” Chloe explained. “My details are a little fuzzy, because I was kidnapped and all, but Clark and Lana tried to make it work for one last time and….”

“Whoa, wait.” Quickly, I tried to do some mental math. My eyes widened in dismay. “So, that was the last time they broke up? After he almost kissed me?”

“Lois, you seriously don’t care.” Chloe looked a bit alarmed at my reaction. “You’re with Clark now and whatever happened between Lana and Clark is….”

“I know, I know,” I cut in. “It’s in the past. But guess what, Chloe?” I stood up and my voice rose passionately, “I’m in the past.” I let out a groan of frustration and sat down again, dropping my head in my hands. “Why doesn’t anyone get that?”

Chloe was silent for a second and then I felt her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Lois. I know this is hard for you.”

I rubbed my eyes tiredly and looked up at her. “God, Chlo, what am I supposed to do?”

“Take a step back for a minute. If this was two years ago and Clark just pissed you off, what would you do?” Chloe asked me.

I thought about it and then reluctantly admitted, “I’d go tell him how I felt and kick his ass.”

Chloe shrugged. “So, what’s stopping you?”

***


It turned out that it was pretty easy to take Chloe’s advice, because my anger kept building during the drive from the Talon to the farm. I couldn’t help but re-play all the conversations we’d had in my head and how Clark had looked straight at me when he told me that things were different between us and that I should give this whole thing a chance. There I was, completely stripped of all memories of a relationship he swore up and down was this great thing. And, now, it turned out that he was pretty much full of it.

By the time I stormed into the farm’s kitchen, I was so mad, I could barely talk. “Smallville!”

Clark, who seemed to figure out I was coming, was just entering the kitchen. “Lois?” He looked surprised to see me. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d stay at the Talon tonight.”

For a second, I just stared at him, distracted by how good he looked. He was wearing his usual work clothes, but he’d taken off his jacket and tie. His dress shirt sleeves were rolled up half-way. I blinked and reminded myself I was there to kick his ass, not ogle him.

“Clark, you are a lying liar. Who lies,” I informed him, dispensing with the usual pleasantries.

His eyes widened with alarm. “What?”

“You…” I pointed at him, in case he had any doubts about who I was talking about, “Lied to me. You told me that if Lana walked into the room and you had a choice between me and her, you’d choose me.”

“I would choose you,” Clark protested. He also looked strangely relieved for some reason. “Lois, where is this coming from?”

“Where is this coming from?” I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to say that to me. “Chloe’s wedding. You and me. And then Lana walked in and it was like I didn’t exist.”

Instead of looking guilty, he actually looked a little happy. “You remember that? Are your memories coming back?”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh for the love of… no, I saw the wedding video.”

“Oh.” Clark had the grace to look a little guilty, this time. “But that was….”

“Actually, you know what,” I cut in. “I don’t even want to hear it. All your talk about how we’re a couple and all that? Bullshit, Clark.”

“It’s not!” Clark shot back. He crossed the room over to me, quickly, and grasped my arms. “Lois, let me explain. That was a long time ago and….”

“Forget it, Smallville.” I pushed his hands away. “The fact is that I don’t care. I mean, I care that you said all that stuff and actually made me feel guilty for a second there and that I even started thinking about…” I broke off, not wanting to go there. And then decided I wasn’t done, so I kept on going, “…but you know what? I don’t need an explanation. Frankly, I could care less what you do with your love life!” With that, I whirled around and went out the door again, desperate to put some distance between us.

I went out to my car and started to open the door when Clark came up behind me and took my keys out of my hand. I turned around to give him a piece of my mind. “Give me back my keys, Clark.”

“No.” Clark actually put them in his pocket. “Not until you hear me out.”

I considered him for a moment, my rage lessening somewhat. “What is there to hear?” I asked coolly. “I think it’s fairly obvious what happened. Lana left you to go do whatever it is she does when she leaves and you thought, ‘Hey, Lois kind of has a crush on me, how about I take that for a spin?’ And, for some strange reason, I actually went along with it.” I thought back to the dopey expression I’d seen on my face in the video and I flushed, my anger rising again. “What is it they say, Clark? If you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with? Worked out great. Hell, we even have the same initials!”

Clark’s mouth had dropped open during my rant; he looked absolutely stunned. I would have laughed, except I really kind of wanted to cry. Not because I was sad, but mainly because I was still really, really, mad. And, then, to top it all off, the universe decided it hadn’t had enough fun with me and, so, it started to rain. I had been so focused on my anger that I hadn’t even noticed the overcast sky and the wind picking up.

I moved forward and put out my hand. “Give me back my keys, Clark,” I said again, icily.

“No,” Clark retorted. The rain was starting to fall in earnest and it was soaking through his hair and his shirt was plastered to his body, which was – admittedly – a good look on him. “You need to come back inside and we’ll talk.”

“I don’t think so.” I considered him for a second and saw the stubborn look in his eyes. So, I turned towards the gate. “Fine, I’ll walk.”

Clark let a groan and followed me down the path. “Where are you going to walk to? Ben’s out of town and the next closest farm is five miles away.”

“I’m a runner, I can handle it,” I informed him and kept on walking, trying to ignore that he was following me.

He didn’t let me, of course. The guy never does what you want him to when you want him to do it. Clark kept on following me down the dirt path to their gate leading to the farm, keeping up with my pace easily. Within seconds, I was soaked to the skin, but I didn’t care.

“Lois….” Clark sighed. “You’re going to get sick.”

I ignored him and kept on walking. After a second, I felt him grab my elbow and he turned me around to face him.

“Seriously, Lois, you’re going to get sick,” Clark looked down at me grimly, seemingly oblivious to the rain.

“Well, then, give me my keys,” I retorted.

Clark gave me one of those looks where it’s clear he’s exasperated with me. “If I give you the keys, will you promise to stay? Just come back to the farm.”

“I’m not staying,” I shot back immediately. Then I sized him up. “I can just take them from you.”

Clark let out an incredulous laugh. “I’d like to see you try.”

Well, that was the wrong thing to say. It was like I could see the gauntlet he’d thrown down. My brow rose, “C’mon, Smallville, I can’t imagine that much has changed in two years.”

Before he could respond, I moved towards him and tried to take the keys from his pocket. He, of course, managed to grab my hand before I could get there. I was expecting that, so I smiled sweetly up at him and then hooked one foot around his leg and yanked; the path was muddy, so it was easy to get him to slip and he was soon flat on his back on the ground. Since he still had a hold of my hand, I went tumbling down after him, but that helped me, anyway. Straddling him, I reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys and grinned triumphantly. “Ah-hah!” I exclaimed, as I looked down at him, holding up the keys to show him I’d won.

Instead of looking annoyed, Clark actually smiled. I wasn’t exactly sure what happened next, but two seconds later, he’d grabbed me and flipped me over, so I was pinned to the ground, with him over me. He untangled the keys from my hand and tossed them a few feet away.

I gasped. “Clark! Now we’re never going to find them!”

“I’ll find them,” Clark promised, staring down at me. “Tomorrow.”

I suddenly became very aware that I was lying in the mud, soaked through, and he was lying on top of me. It wasn’t that he was crushing me that made me uncomfortable (since he was bracing himself on his arms and making sure that his weight wasn’t on me). It was mainly the fact that I’d be able to wrap my legs around him if I shifted even two inches. I think Clark realized what position we were in around the same time I did, because he chose that moment to dip his head down and bring his lips closer to mine.

Automatically, I turned my head away and felt his lips brush against my jaw instead. That didn’t deter him, because he just kept on going until he got to my ear and then he said, in a low voice, “I’m not letting you get up until you promise me you’re coming back inside.”

I’m not one who responds well to threats. So, I looked back at him with challenge. “All right, well, I’ve got all night. Let’s go for it.” I tried not to think about how my hair was getting all tangled in the mud. Or how the rain water was running down in rivers down my shirt. And how wet jeans are incredibly uncomfortable.

“Lois.” Clark groaned. “Why do you have to be so stubborn? Can’t you ever just do something because it’s the smarter thing to do? What is your problem?”

For some odd reason, I found his words to be quite comforting. It was exactly the sort of thing Clark would have said to me before my accident. In exactly that tone of voice. And, so, I conceded defeat. “OK. Fine. But I get the shower first.”

He stood up and then helped me to my feet. “I wouldn’t have expected anything else.”

***


After a long, very hot, shower (I admit to trying to use up all the hot water so he wouldn’t have any), I felt a whole lot better. In fact, I was kind of amused that I had reacted to seeing the video the way I did. I mean, really, what else did I expect? This was exactly what I’d been trying to explain to Clark earlier. When it came to Lana Lang, Clark was a total idiot.

The guy I’d just called an idiot in my head came into the kitchen, drying his hair. I waited for him to make a comment about how I’d left him without any hot water for his shower, but he didn’t mention it. Instead, he went to the stove and started to fill the kettle with water for tea.

Then, Clark turned to me and said, with a sigh, “Lois, we need to talk.”

I grinned. “Are you breaking up with me, Smallville? Because, I have to say, it’s about time.”

Clark rolled his eyes. “No, I’m not breaking up with you.”

“Oh.” I tried to smile, but failed.

Clark grabbed the hot water when the kettle boiled and gave me a dirty look. “I know it’s going to be hard, but try to keep your happy tears to a minimum, Lois.”

I didn’t respond. He kept silent, too, as he focused on making us tea and when he finally spoke again, it was after he’d given me my mug. I wrapped my hands around the hot ceramic, feeling warmth go through me even before I’d taken a sip.

“Lois.” He sat down on one of the stools next to mine. “I have an answer for your two questions.”

“What?” Whatever I’d been expecting him to say, that wasn’t it. I’d thought he’d forgotten about what I’d said the previous night. In fact, I had kind of forgotten myself.

“Your questions,” he repeated. “I have answer.”

To delay responding, I took a sip of my tea. Finally, I said, “Okay, shoot.”

“Do you remember our deal? If I answer, then you stay here,” Clark reminded me. “In our room.”

Rolling my eyes a bit, I asked, “What is your obsession with me staying here? In your room.”

Clark gave me an indefinable look. I found that I didn’t really want to know what it meant, and so I just said, brightly, “All right, fine. I remember our deal.”

“The answer to both questions is the same. I think the reason my feelings for you changed is because you’re so different from Lana.” Clark looked at me for a second and then added, “With you, things are… they’re easier than they were with Lana. I just feel… things are easy with you. So, yeah, you’re different. But that’s a good thing.”

I looked down at the tea, not really knowing how to respond to that. Was that really an answer? I didn’t know. Especially because I wasn’t sure whether or not I even cared. Nothing he said would really convince me that we were destined to be soul mates or that he was the love of my life, after years of just being the annoying friend in the background.

“Well, you know, I’ve been told I’m easy,” I finally answered. And, then, winced because that really didn’t come out right. “I mean… I’m a fairly easy-going person.”

“Lois.” Clark must have realized his words were having no impact. “I loved Lana. A lot. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t. But you have to understand that I love you, too.”

“Clark….” I felt bad. I mean, this couldn’t be easy for him. Clark is, by nature, a person who keeps things bottled inside. So, this was probably torture. And I felt like I wasn’t even torturing him for a good reason. I mean, it wasn’t like I was going to be able to say I loved him back. “I… I’m sorry.”

Whatever he’d been expecting me to say, that hadn’t been it. “What? Why?”

I almost laughed, because I felt like I had apologized more to him in the past twenty-four hours than the whole time I’d known him. “I’m sorry, because I shouldn’t have asked you those questions,” I explained. “Whatever you feel for Lana is your business.” I put my mug down on the counter and then slid off the stool. With a grin, I added, “But you did keep your end of the bargain, I guess. So, I’ll stay here.”

“So, you believe me?” Clark asked, looking down at me intently. “That I love you?”

I stared back up at him and answered, honestly, “I think you believe you do. Hell, maybe you even do. But that’s not really the point. It’s not about how you feel about me. It’s about how I feel about you. And I…” I hesitated and then told him the truth, “I do care about you. But only as very good friend.”

Clark shook his head. “Lois…”

“Look, Smallville, I’ll stay here,” I interrupted and shrugged. “It’s not like I have anywhere else to go. But you have to promise me that you’ll accept that we’re just friends.” I gave him a teasing look. “I want you to dig deep down inside and find that Clark who thought I was just the pain in the ass who used up all his hot water. I know he’s in there somewhere. That’s the Clark I want to be roomies with, okay?”

A myriad of emotions flashed across his face in an instant. I could tell he was struggling with what I was saying and held my breath. Finally, he agreed, although it was with obvious reluctance. “All right, fine.”

Victorious, my grin widened. “Great. Good night, Smallville.” I started to punch him in the arm, to seal the deal, but he caught my wrist in mid-swing. I couldn’t help but gasp a little and gave him a confused frown. “What? You develop super-human reflexes in the past two years?”

“I wasn’t finished,” Clark said lightly, tightening his hold on my wrist, when I tried to take my arm back. “I’m willing to accept we’re only friends, if you agree to keep an open mind.”

I considered him for a second. “What, you’re trying to bargain with me, now? I don’t think you’re in a position to do that, Smallville.”

I couldn’t believe it, but he grinned in return. “Actually, I think I am. Look around. All your stuff is here. Chloe won’t let you move back into the Talon. You can't afford a place in Metropolis, even if you could find one.” He leaned in closer to finish, “You can barely function at the DP without me, unless you plan on telling everyone what’s going on.”

Not that I was happy about admitting it, even to myself, but he was right. Damn it, since when did Clark get all confident and smart? This new Clark was annoying. More so than usual. “Fine. But, what, exactly, does keep an open mind mean?” I asked, suspiciously.

There was a triumphant gleam in his eyes and he let go of my wrist. Then, Clark answered smoothly, “You’ll see. Good night, Lois.”

Before I could respond, he left the farm through the back door, leaving me to wonder what the hell I’d just gotten myself into.