Drabble 12 | Where I Stood

[sanalayla]

I don't know who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Because she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

Clark came down the stairs, slipping his watch on his wrist. He had about one hour to get dinner ready. Usually, it would only take him a few minutes to do the prep work, but he wanted tonight to be special. So, it was going to be her favorite meal – roast beef, mashed potatoes, and Martha’s famous gravy. He just hoped he could manage to make it even remotely close to how his mother made it. He chuckled when he realized that even his worst cooking was better than Lois’s best attempts, so she wouldn’t really be in a position to complain. While he was formulating this argument in his head, the doorbell rang, bringing thoughts of Lois to a halt.

Clark frowned, wondering who it could be. Lois never rang the doorbell. Actually, neither did Oliver or Chloe, now that he thought about it. He quickly sped to the door and opened it, completely unprepared for who stood on the threshold.

Clark stared down at her, completely speechless.

She looked up at him with wide eyes, smiling softly. “Clark? Aren’t you going to let me in?”

After a second, Clark found his voice. “Uh… Lana… of course….” He swung the door open further to allow her to go past him. Suddenly, he frowned. “Wait… how are you….” Clark looked her up and down in confusion. “… How are you close to me and I’m okay?”

Lana had entered the foyer, but at that, she turned back around to face him, her eyes lit up in happiness. She let out a little laugh. “I know, isn’t it wonderful? I’ve been cured, Clark!”

Clark’s jaw dropped in surprise. “The Kryptonite is gone?”

“Yes!” Lana exclaimed. His lack of reaction must have registered, because she faltered and hesitated. “You don’t seem happy, Clark. What’s wrong?”

“No, no,” Clark protested, shaking his head. “Of course, I’m happy. I was worried about you… I mean, Kryptonite has lasting effects, Lana. I was concerned….” Clark’s voice trailed off as hhe looked down at the petite woman. He smiled warmly. “… Never mind. You’re all right now and that’s what matters.”

Lana gazed up at him and then, suddenly, moved forward and wrapped her arms around him. Clark tensed in surprise, but then relaxed and gave her a hug back. She moved her head back to look up at him, her arms still wrapped around his waist. “I’ve been waiting a long time to do that, Clark.” She sighed and then snuggled closer to him. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Clark blinked. “Uhh…” He drew back, grasped her arms, and moved her away from him. “I… ah… I missed you, too, Lana. I mean…” Clark struggled to find the words to convey all that had changed since the last time they saw each other. “See… but….”

“There are no buts, Clark,” Lana interjected. Her smile was radiant. “The best part is that I still have the power suit. They were able to remove the Kryptonite without damage to the suit.” She added, in a soft tone, “Now we can be together, forever, without anything coming between us.” Lana glided closer to him and laid her hand on his arm, staring up at him with affection and humor. “Maybe we should go try out the other bed and see if it’s stronger than the one we broke last time.”

Clark choked. “No, Lana, this is not --.”

“Smallville!” Lois’s voice called out from the kitchen. “I hope to God you’ve got dinner ready, because I am starving. What did you – LANA??”

Clark looked towards the archway that separated the living room from the kitchen and saw Lois standing very still, a shell-shocked expression on her face.

Lana moved her hand from Clark’s arm and turned to Lois with a warm, genuine, smile. “Lois! It’s so good to see you!” Lana seemed to wait, expectantly, for Lois to respond or move forward, and when Lois didn’t, she moved closer to the taller woman, herself. She gave Lois a small hug. “How are you doing? I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Lois smiled stiffly, avoiding Clark’s gaze. “Yeah, good to see you, too. How’s your world tour going?”

“World tour?” Lana raised a brow, puzzled.

“Yeah, Chloe said you were touring all over the world, seeing all the places you’d always wanted to travel to…” Lois explained and then rambled on, “Although, personally, I’m not a huge fan of travelling and living out of a suitcase. I mean, it must be the Army brat in me, you know? Just want to stay in one place, know one language.”

Lana looked a little confused, but said politely, “I understand. To answer your question, I enjoyed my world tour, but now I’m ready to settle down myself.” She smiled back at Clark and then looked at Lois again. “I’m moving back here. To Smallville.”

“You are,” Lois’s brows raised in mock amazement. She turned to Clark with a bright smile. “Look, Smallville, Lana’s moving back here. Did you know that?”

Clark looked uneasily at Lois. “I didn’t. Not until now.”

Lana smiled a bit. “Yes, I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“I love surprises!” Lois exclaimed. “Do you have any beer, Smallville?” She headed back towards the kitchen in search of something to drink. She stopped and turned back around, her smile still fixed on her lips. “Where are my manners? You want anything, Lana?”

“Does Clark have any wine?”

“Yeah, there’s some left over from….” Lois paused. “….Yeah, why don’t I get us both a glass.”

Lois busied herself with getting the bottle open and pouring out the wine into two glasses. In the meantime, Clark found himself wishing that an emergency would crop up in Siberia – any place in the world, really, that would get him far away from Kansas.

“So… uh… Lana,” Clark finally said, breaking the silence. “You’re moving back here? Permanently?”

Lana gave him a teasing smile, as she accepted the glass of wine from Lois. “Well, of course. Why would you think I wouldn’t?”

“Yeah, Clark, why would you think she wouldn’t?” Lois shot him a wide grin, then gulped down a swallow of her wine.

Clark gave her a concerned look.

“Well, Lana, if you want, you can stay with Chloe and me at the Talon. I mean, it’s already a pretty close fit, but we’ve done it before. We’ll just have to take out the sleeping bags,” Lois offered, quite magnanimously, in her own opinion.

“Oh, that’s sweet, Lois,” Lana crinkled her nose a bit in amusement. “But I don’t need to stay with you and Chloe.” At that she glanced Clark’s way and cast him a shy smile. “I’ll be staying here with Clark.”

Lois sputtered; the wine going down the wrong windpipe. She coughed and gasped for air, pounding her chest with a fist, tears coming to her eyes.

“Lois!” Clark immediately rushed forward, grabbing the wine from her hand. “Are you okay?” He took one arm and began rubbing her back, until her breathing was under control.

Lois waved one hand weakly. “I’m fine,” she responded, when she was finally able to speak again. She shot him a look. “Lana’s moving in with you.” It was a statement; not a question.

Clark answered, anyway. “No. She’s not.” He stared at her, holding on to her arm, even though she kept trying to move away.

“Clark?” Lana’s voice interjected. She glanced between Clark and Lois uncertainly. “What’s going on?”

At that, Lois managed to yank her arm away from Clark. “Yeah, Smallville, why don’t you tell Lana what’s going on?”

Clark turned to Lana, his lips twisted in an expression of apology. “Lana, can you give us a minute? We’ll be right back.”

“Of course,” Lana’s brows furrowed in concern, but she nodded.

Without waiting for Lois’s response, he grasped her arm and pulled her towards the back porch. Lois resisted momentarily, but his grip was too strong. Finally, he heard her let out a muttered curse as he led her to the porch. Clark closed the door behind them and turned to face her.

“Lois, I didn’t know she was coming over and I didn’t ask her to move in with me,” he said forcefully, his eyes steady on hers. Her own eyes skittered away, breaking his gaze. “Lois,” he sighed, “Look at me. I’m telling you the truth.” When he got no response, he reached out and gently put his finger to her cheek, turning her face until she met his eyes. “Lois, I would never do that.”

She stared up at him silently, her own eyes flashing with warring emotions. Finally, she admitted, “Yes, I know that.” Lois took his hand and moved it back down to his side; stepping back to put some distance between them. She folded her arms across her chest, as though hugging herself tightly. “But you didn’t tell her, either, Clark,” she pointed out. “You never told her we were together – that you’d moved on.”

“Because it didn’t mean anything to tell her,” Clark responded in a reasonable tone. “I had no reason to tell her. Besides,” he added, as an afterthought, “Lana and I never talk to each other, anyway. I don’t even know how I would have gotten a hold of her to tell her.”

Surprised, Lois asked, “You guys never talk? I assumed you kept in touch.”

“No, we didn’t. Lana and I were never good at being friends,” Clark admitted and then added, in a dry tone, “We don’t have the talent for it that you and Oliver do.”

Lois rolled her eyes. “Don’t try to make me feel better about your ex being in your house by bringing up my ex.”

“What?” Clark shrugged innocently. “I think it’s a perfectly valid observation – I have to watch you hang out with Oliver all the time. You just have to spend ten minutes with Lana.”

Laughing reluctantly, Lois shook her head. “Clark Kent, you always manage to get out of everything…. It’s that Kent charm your mom told me about.”

Clark grinned. He reached out and clasped her hand in his. “Come on, we’ll go talk to Lana together. She’ll understand.”

Lois hesitated. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea, Smallville.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is probably not going to be easy for her; having me there will make it even worse.” Lois pushed him a bit towards the door. “If I’m there, it’ll be humiliating for her. I’m not going to do that.”

Clark paused and looked back at her over his shoulder. He smiled. “Lois, are you actually being tactful?” His brow rose in suspicion as he looked her over. “That’s so unlike you.”

“Very funny,” Lois made a face. “Just go… before I lose this tenuous hold on manners.”

Still laughing, Clark entered the kitchen and made his way towards the living room. The grin faded when he saw Lana standing near the mantle, holding the picture of Lois he kept there.

Lana turned to face him, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I don’t know how I missed this. I guess I’m so used to my picture being here that I didn’t even realize that I’d been replaced.”

Clark closed his eyes momentarily, preparing himself for a dramatic scene. “Well, I wouldn’t put it that way, exactly.”

“I heard you and Lois, Clark,” Lana said, putting the frame back down on the mantle with enough force to shatter the glass. “I know that you two are together. How did Lois put it? That you’ve moved on.”

Clark’s eyes narrowed on Lana. “That was a private conversation, Lana.”

Lana sniffed and turned away. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t have much of a choice, did I? I could tell you were both hiding something from me. Lying to me.”

“We weren’t lying,” Clark pointed out. “I was going to tell you about Lois, but Lois came in before I could tell you. And you didn’t give me much of a chance to speak, anyway.”

Lana didn’t respond. She sat down on the couch, and silently buried her head buried in her hands. Clark tried to think about what to do next, gazing at her uneasily. Finally, he settled himself down on the couch next to her and tentatively placed his hand on her shoulder.

Uncomfortable, he patted her shoulder a bit. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this. Are you OK, Lana?”

She moved her hands to turn to glare at him. “Of course I’m not OK, Clark!” She shot to her feet and began pacing around the room. “We were supposed to be together, forever, and now I find out that you didn’t even care enough to wait for me.” Lana’s eyes plead with him. “Tell me you don’t love her, Clark. Tell me you were only with her because you couldn’t have me.” She stopped in front of him and looked down at him earnestly. “I’ll forgive you, Clark. I understand how lonely you must have been.”

Clark gazed up at her in horror, his mouth dropping open a bit. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Lana took a step back, as though his words had dealt her a physical blow. “What do you mean?”

“I love her, Lana,” Clark answered, with more bluntness than he usually opted for. “I’ve loved her for a long time and my love for her has nothing to do with you.” He stood up and walked towards the mantle, picking up the frame she’d dropped there and put it back to its usual resting place with a bit of a smile. “Lois is….” He paused and then finished, “Lois is many things, but she’s not a place holder because I couldn’t have you.”

“I don’t understand,” Lana shook her head in protest. “How can you be with her?”

“Why wouldn’t I be with her?” Clark countered.

“Because of your powers,” Lana exclaimed. “You can’t be with a mere mortal, Clark. It won’t work. You need someone who can be your equal, someone who can stand with you and save the world with you every day. You need someone with your abilities.”

Clark shook his head slowly. “No, Lana, that’s what you needed to make our relationship work. I didn’t need that.” He paused and then added, with a hint of a grin, “And, trust me, Lois doesn’t need superpowers to be my equal. In fact, if you ask her, she’d tell you that she’s not my equal because she’s better than me.”

“That’s because she doesn’t know you, Clark, like I do.” Lana pressed her lips together tightly. “Have you told her? The truth about you?”

“Not yet,” Clark responded evenly.

“Then how do you know,” Lana asked plaintively. “How do you know she’ll feel the same way after she finds out? That it’ll still be all fun and games. Do you know hard it is to be the woman who is with you, Clark? The woman who’s always left behind and always in danger?”

Clark looked at her sympathetically and said gently, “I know it was hard for you, Lana, but Lois is a different person than you. We’ll figure it out.” Suddenly feeling weary of the whole conversation, he added, “Look, you can stay here tonight if you want. I can go sleep in the loft.”

Lana seemed to understand that he was ending their talk. She shook her head. “No, that’s fine. I can super-speed to Metropolis. I’ll stay in a hotel there.”

Clark nodded and then walked over to open the front door. “Lana,” he said, searching her eyes for a hint of the girl he once knew, “I hope we can be friends. We have a lot of history together and I do remember the good times.”

“Clark…” Lana stopped and swallowed. “I’d like that.” She reached out and hugged him tightly. He put his arms around her and patted her back a bit.

She pulled back and whispered. “I'll see you later, Clark.” And, then, she was gone.

Talon apartment

Lois was just settling down with an excellent tub of Chunky Monkey when the doorbell rang. She frowned and glanced at the clock. Way too late for this to be a pleasant visit. She glanced down at her flannel pajamas and shrugged. If the caller chose to come this late, they’d have to deal with her informal attire.

She pulled open the front door and her frown deepened when she saw who stood on her doorstep. “Lana.”

“Lois.” Lana glanced around and peered past Lois’s shoulder to the apartment. “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” Lois forced a smile to her lips and pulled the door open further to allow the smaller woman to pass by her. “Me casa, su casa. After all, you did live here first.”

Lana glanced back over her shoulder. “I guess I did. That was so long ago… I was so young back then.” She turned in a bit of a circle, taking in the whole apartment. “You haven't changed it much, Lois.”

Lois shrugged. “Well, interior design isn’t really my thing. Besides, it costs money and all the stuff in here was free.”

“Yes, I guess that’s true.” Lana nodded absent-mindedly, as though agreeing to Lois’s words by rote.

Lois sighed. “Look, Lana, why don’t we just cut to the chase? I know you and Smallville must have had the ‘big talk’ by now, so why are you here?”

Lana turned back around to face her, her nose wrinkled a bit in distaste. “I’d forgotten how blunt you always are, Lois.”

“Well, someone’s gotta be. The sheer amount of non-verbals in our inner circle would drive a mime crazy,” Lois pointed out unapologetically. “Again, what do you want, Lana?”

“I want Clark,” Lana answered stiffly.

Lois blinked. “Oh, I see.” She made a show of looking around. “Well, he’s not here, so you’ve come to the wrong place.”

“Lois, you know what I mean,” Lana let out a frustrated sniff. “I want him back. You two… you don’t know what you’re getting into, Lois. He can’t make you happy. You can’t make him happy. You’re not meant to be together like we are.”

Lois crossed her arms and appraised Lana frankly. “OK, I’ll bite. So, you and Smallville are perfect for each other, huh? Then why’d you leave to begin with? Why not just stick around and be with the perfect guy? Why’d you let him go?”

“You don’t understand,” Lana shook head. “It’s something that wasn’t in our control. We were torn apart. But we can be together now, Lois.” She looked near tears as she added in a soft voice, “The only thing standing between us is you.”

Lois stared at her silently for a moment and then burst out laughing. “Oh, Lana. I’d forgotten how melodramatic you are.” Her lips settled in an amused grin. “I am not Smallville’s keeper. If you want him back, that’s great. Go for it. I won’t stand in your way.”

Lana’s cheeks flushed in anger. “Lois, you don’t even know him.”

“I don’t?”

“You don’t know the real Clark Kent.” Lana explained, closing the distance between them. “You only know one side of him; he’s hiding things from you.”

Lois snorted. “You think I don’t know that Smallville doesn’t tell me everything? Of course I know that. I don’t tell him everything, either.” Lois rolled her eyes. “Newsflash, Lana, that’s called a relationship.”

Lana’s brow rose. “Is it, really? What kind of relationship is it when one person doesn’t know the truth about the other person? I know him better than you, Lois. I know the real Clark Kent.”

“No, Lana,” Lois shook her head gently. “You may know more things about Clark than me, but you don’t know the real Clark Kent better than I do. There’s a difference.”

“How can you say that?” Lana demanded. “How can you be so sure of him?”

“Because I just am,” Lois let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know what you want from me, Lana. Do you want me to just hand over Clark like he’s some trophy to you? A toy that we’re sharing back and forth? Because it doesn’t work that way. He’s human; he’s got free will. If he wants to be with you, he’ll be with you. If he doesn’t, then nothing you say can make him.”

Lana let out a mirthless laugh. “He won’t leave you, Lois. He’s too good for that. He won’t leave you behind and hurt you.”

Lois smiled tightly. “It wouldn’t be the first time. I’m sure he’ll bring himself do what needs to be done if he thinks it’ll make him happy.”

“You have to let him go,” Lana insisted. “Lois, I gave up so much to be with him. He needs someone like me by his side. I can give him so many things you can’t.”

“Like what?” Lois asked, starting to lose patience with Lana’s holier-than-thou attitude. “The ability to break his heart every six months? I know! You can invite him to your wedding to his ex-best friend better than I can? Use his heart like a yo-yo? Sleep with an evil clone and not be able to tell it’s not Clark??” Lois snorted. “Call me biased, but I think I can kick your ass in the girlfriend department. There’s only one rule – show up and pay attention. Something I seem to manage better than you ever did.”

Lana took several steps back, with a stricken expression. “You’re judging me for those things? You don’t know what I went through with Lex…”

“I don’t need to,” Lois interjected. “It’s enough that you even considered being with Lex to begin with. I never understood it, Lana. When you could have Clark Kent, why would you go to Lex Luthor?”

Lana faltered. “Clark lied to me. He kept secrets from me and I - .”

“Ran to the nearest egotistical evil billionaire you could find?” Lois countered. “Sorry, that doesn’t really cut it.” She paused and took a breath. “Look, Clark is the kindest, most decent man that I have ever met. Any woman would be lucky to be with him. And any woman would be an idiot to let him go once she has him.” Lois raked her gaze over Lana. “And, unlike you, I’m not an idiot. If you want him, you’re welcome to try, but I’m not handing him on a platter to you.”

With that, she turned on her heel and went to her front door. Pulling it open, she gestured to the hallway. “You know your way out.”

Lana paused at the doorway and turned back to look at Lois. “One day you'll realize you’re in over your head and he'll break your heart."

Lois rolled her eyes and slammed the door shut in response.

Lana sped down the Talon stairs and stopped, looking around at the coffee shop she once used to work in, back when she was young and naïve. Suddenly, her sense sharpened and she turned her head slightly and saw a figure in the shadows.

“Clark.”

“Lana.” He stepped into the light and Lana saw that he didn’t look very happy.

Her smile faltered. “I guess you heard us?”

Clark nodded.

“Why didn’t you come in?”

“I considered it,” he confessed. Then, he smiled, “Lois was handling herself fine, so I figured she wouldn’t appreciate the interruption.”

“So, you stayed down here for Lois, then,” she confirmed.

“Yes.”

“When did you fall in love with her, Clark? Can you, at least, tell me that much?”

Clark put his hands in his pockets and considered her question. “Honestly? I think a part of me was always in love with her. But when did I accept it? When I thought I almost lost her. Last year, there were three weeks where I thought she was dead. I didn’t realize how much she meant to me until that moment when I thought I might have to face the rest of my life on earth without her. When she came back, I knew I couldn’t keep denying it anymore.”

Lana felt a pain in her heart at his words, but she bowed her head in acceptance. “Now I know. I wish I could say to you that I want you to be happy, Clark... I think I'll be able to some day." She paused and then whispered, "Just not today."

Clark nodded. "Good bye, Lana."

"Good bye, Clark.”

With that, she was gone, leaving Clark to stare silenty at the empty spot where she had stood. After a couple of seconds, he shook his head and ran up the stairs to Lois’s apartment.

Lois had just settled down with another quart of ice cream (the first one having melted into a soupy mess) when her doorbell rang again. “Oh, for the love of God…” she muttered under breath as she made her way over to the door.

She flung it open, ready to give the intruder a piece of her mind when the words died on her lips. Mainly because Clark covered her lips with his own as soon as she opened the door; silencing her before she even began.

...she will love you more than I could
she who dares to stand where I stood...

______
Lyrics from "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins