sanalayla | Remember Me

Exes and Ohs!

I stood in the elevator, trying to calm my frazzled nerves. After a bit of discussion, Clark and I had decided we weren’t going to tell anyone that I’d lost my memories. Rather, I had decided and he had, reluctantly, agreed to go along with the plan. Now that I was actually faced with going in the DP bullpen and pretending everything was okay, I was starting to have my doubts. Suddenly, I felt Clark catch my hand, his fingers clasped around my own in a reassuring manner. I glanced down and then back up at him. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to squeeze it more tightly or if I wanted to let go. After a second, the decision was taken out of my hands, because the doors the elevators slid open and I almost tripped over my heels in an effort to get the day over with as quickly as possible.

I’d barely managed to get to my desk in one piece when I heard someone call out my name.

“LANE!” The guy called out from across the bullpen. He was kind of skinny, with really curly hair. He came running up to me and asked, “Where’s the article? You’re killing me here, Lane.”

Before I could figure out how to bull shit my way out of this one, Clark came up next to me and answered the guy. “Brady. I forgot to tell you. Lois was in the hospital yesterday. I don’t think she’s done with the article on the mayor’s re-election bid, yet.” Clark turned to me and flashed me a warm smile. “Are you, Lois?”

The guy named Brady frowned at me. “Hospital?” He rolled his eyes and kind of threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “There go the premiums again.”

At a loss on how to respond to that, I turned to Clark for support. Clark put his arm around me, in response, and I stiffened. That wasn’t the kind of support I’d been looking for. I glared up at him to convey that message and he had the audacity to grin at me, like he was daring me to do something about it. I glanced at the other guy and saw that he was completely unfazed by Clark’s public display of affection. He was sifting through some papers in his hand and not even bothering to look at us.

“Well, Lane, when do you think you’re going to have it?” Brady looked up from his papers, one brow quirked. “Because, you know, I could just give it to Katie….”

“That might be a good idea,” I said, leaping a chance to have one less thing to stress about. I shrugged, which had the added benefit of making Clark’s arm drop from my shoulders. “I don’t think I have the notes, anyway. I lost them at the hospital.”

Brady gave me an odd look. “Are you sure you’re okay, Lane?”

I pretended to be quite puzzled by his question. “Of course. Why do you ask?”

“Because you hate Katie and whenever I give her one of your articles, you usually threaten to hit me with something,” Brady informed me. He glanced at Clark. “What was she in the hospital for?”

“Head injury,” Clark answered, with a wry smile. I poked him in the ribs with my elbow and he flinched. So, he added, “But she’s perfectly fine.”

Brady analyzed me for a moment and then declared, “All right. But if you want, you can take the rest of the week off. I don’t know – I don’t think I can handle having a reasonable Lois Lane around here. What would the world come to?”

When he’d left the two of us alone, I turned to Clark and hissed, “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Clark blinked innocently down at me.

“You know what. Don’t do stupid things like put your arm around me and stuff.” I looked around to make sure no one was listening and saw, with some relief, that no one was paying any attention to us.

“What? I was just trying to make it look realistic. You’re the one who didn’t want people here to know that something was wrong.” Clark walked towards his desk and sat down, leaning back in his chair and said smoothly, “I was only doing it for you, Lois.”

Nodding really slowly, I sat down on my own chair at the desk across from his. “Right. Of course.” Then, I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to my job. I had no idea whether or not I was going to get my memory back, so I had better figure out how to catch up, just in case.

The next half hour or so was spent catching up on e-mails and regular mail. Even through my desk was a mess (something that didn’t surprise me and actually filled me with a lot of relief), I saw that I had some excellent files on my hard drive. Everything was coded properly and I was able to figure out what kind of research I’d been working on pretty quickly. I even managed to guess all my passwords accurately. Except for one. There was one file labeled “Rao_Towers” and I couldn’t figure out the password to save my life.

I pulled up my calendar to make a note to get Chloe to hack into it later and I paused. There was a note on there that said I was going to be having dinner with Ollie tonight. I leaned over a little to look at Clark around my monitor and saw that he was deep in thought as he typed something up very quickly. Biting my lip, I clicked on the appointment and pulled up the details. They were pretty minimal. Obviously, Future Lois thought I’d know what I meant when I typed it in. The window just said, Dinner w/ Ollie. The Ivy. Talk about Mia.

Glancing over at Clark again, who was still very much absorbed in whatever he was doing, I pulled up a fresh e-mail and sent Ollie a quick note.

Hey, I see that we’re supposed to be meeting for dinner tonight. We still on? The argument can be made that I HAVE to meet you for dinner, because the doctor told me to stick to my normal schedule. Love, LL

Anxiously, I read over what I’d written and wondered if I was coming across as too desperate. Then, I remembered the look in his eyes and the way he’d kissed me. With a slight smile, I hit ‘send’. A minute later, I got a reply.

Yes, I definitely think the argument can be made that the good doctor will be angry if we don’t stick to our plan. See you at the Ivy at 8. Love, Ollie

My slight smile turned into a goofy grin. I knew it, but I couldn’t help it.

“I didn’t realize your story on the bus strike was so funny, Lois.”

I looked across the desks and saw that Clark was smiling at me, probably in reaction to the huge grin I was now sporting. Flushing a bit, I minimized my screen, hating that I felt guilty. How could I possibly feel guilty for cheating on a guy I wasn’t even seeing? For a second, I thought about just coming clean with him, but before I could, Clark stood up. He had a far-a-away and distant look in his eyes. Then, he turned to me and said, “You know what? I think it’s not right for you to drink the DP coffee after all you’ve been through. Let me run downstairs and get you a decent cup from the coffee shop.”

“That’s sweet, Smallville, but…” My words stopped in my throat, because he was gone. Like, literally, he’d walked right past me, almost at a dead run. I swiveled my chair around to see where he went, but I couldn’t find him. With a shrug, I turned my attention back to my monitor. I quickly typed a reply back to Ollie, confirming I’d see him that night, and then went back to work.

About an hour later, a cup and white paper bag materialized in front me. My eyes followed the path to the bearer of the gifts and saw that it was Clark. I took the bag and cup from him and commented, “That must be one hell of a coffee shop, Smallville. One hour? Was it worth it?” I took a sip and didn’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t. The coffee wasn’t any better than what they served downstairs in the coffee shop next door to the DP.

“Well, they were out of maple donuts,” Clark said, by way of explanation, as he leaned back against my desk. “So, I had to go to the other one. Across town.”

Maple donut? I opened the bag and, sure enough, there was a maple donut. I took it out, since I was pretty hungry, and took a bite. After chewing thoughtfully, I turned to him and shot him a genuine grin. “Thanks. I love maple donuts.”

Clark looked at me intently. “I know. That’s why I went to go get one for you.” He paused and then added, “I get one for you every morning. It’s kind of… well, it’s kind of our thing now….”

The pastry stuck in my throat as I looked up at him. Suddenly, the feeling of guilt I’d felt earlier came rushing back up to me. To off-set the way he was looking at me, I said briskly, “C’mon, Smallville, you’re not going to convince me we’re soul mates just because you buy me maple donuts.” I put the rest of the donut in the bag and put it away, not feeling hungry anymore.

Clark pressed his lips together, very much looking like he wanted to argue with me, but then, I guess, he decided not to. Instead, he took my hand and hauled me to my feet. “Let’s go. I’m going to give you a tour of the place.”

“What?” I stared at him in surprise and then I kind of laughed. “Smallville. I’ve worked here longer than you. I know my way around. Trust me, I don’t need a tour of the DP.”

“This is different,” he said, mysteriously, and then started walking towards the copy room, still tugging on my hand.

I had to double my pace to keep up, which wasn’t easy in the tight skirt and four inch heels I was wearing. When I almost tripped, at some point, Clark slowed down and turned to me. Without a care about who was watching, he picked me up. He picked me up!! And, then, he opened the copy room door and set me down, gently.

Really not sure what to address first – the fact that he picked me up or the fact that we were standing in the copy room – I just kind of stood there, gaping at him. After a second, I recovered my voice. “Don’t ever do that AGAIN! I mean, there were people out there, Smallville. Our co-workers. Forget whatever little game we’re playing here or my memories or anything. I have a reputation and you can’t just go around picking me up like I’m some slab of meat!”

Clark was completely unaffected by my tirade. And, really, who could blame him. As far as tirades, even I knew this one had been weak. So sue me, my head was still killing me. I opened my mouth to take another shot at it, but he cut me off. “It’s okay, Lois. I’ve picked you up before and no one really cares.” He glanced around the copy room. “So, does this place bring back any memories? Do you… feel… something?”

Letting out a defeated sigh, I turned in a circle, taking in the copy room. It was a little different than I was used to. They’d gotten a new copier. A lot of the extra stuff had been taken away. There was a glass window that separated the room from the bullpen that hadn’t been there before. I shrugged. “No. Is it supposed to? I mean, I remember how to make copies, Smallville.”

Clark didn’t bother to hide his disappointment. “All right, well, Emil said it would take time.”

I couldn’t tell if he was reassuring me or himself. I decided not ask him and, instead, asked, gently, “Okay, what’s the next step on the tour?”

His eyes lit up at my question and, again, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of guilt. I let him take my hand and lead me to down the hall. After awhile, I saw that we were heading into the storage closet. I couldn’t help but let out a laugh when he pushed me in and closed the door behind us.

“Ah… Smallville? Don’t quit your day job,” I said to him, amused by his selection of locations. “You suck as a tour guide. I thought you’d take me to the newsroom. Maybe Grant’s old office. Why are we in the storage closet? What’s next? The broom closet? I know! The utility closet.”

Clark didn’t laugh. “Look around. Nothing?”

Mainly to humor him, I made a big show out of analyzing my surroundings. There was the old desk they kept in the corner. I mainly used it to get to the paper they kept on the highest shelf. I glanced up. Yup, sure enough. The reams of paper were at the top shelf. It was the Planet’s way of trying to get their employees to use both sides of paper and not waste so much of it. Their version of going green.

“I give up,” I finally said, holding my hands up in a show of surrender. “I have no clue what I’m supposed to be remembering.”

“Lois.” Clark walked closer to me and, gently, picked me up and put me on the desk.

I tried not react to the way he managed to move me around like I was light as feathers. Clark pulled away a little, but was still too close. Close enough that if I opened my legs (which would be a feat, given how tight my skirt was) he’d be between them. I firmly told my mind to stop wandering in that direction. Which was a resolve that was shot to hell as soon as he uttered his next words.

“Lois, this is the only room in the DP without windows and has a door that locks from the inside,” Clark informed me, with a slight smile, but also a hint of a flush. He gazed at me, searchingly. “What does that make you think of?”

I stared at him and knew, almost instantly, what he was trying to say, but my mind worked in overdrive to stay in denial. “That it’s a huge fire hazard?” I offered, silently begging him not correct me.

Apparently, Clark didn’t pick up the ability to read my thoughts in the past two years, because he immediately shook his head. “No.” Then he paused and looked around, “Although, well, I guess it could be.”

“You know, that’s terrible, if you think about it. We should get on that right away. Let Brady know.” I slid off the desk and headed for the exit. “You know, get a couple of windows in here. Maybe a glass door. Take away the lock.” I was babbling, but I really didn’t care.

“Lois.” Clark circled his arm around my waist and pulled me back. Since he’s way stronger than me, it took him about two seconds to turn me around and set me back on the desk. This time, he kind of trapped me there and he was staring at me, like he was trying to figure out what to do next.

I tried to ignore the strange things the contact was doing to my body. I wondered if the brain injury had somehow impacted the region of my brain that controlled lust. Maybe it had made me a nympho and I was going to react like this to any guy. Thinking ahead to the date I had planned with Ollie, I tried to picture reacting like this to him. I smiled at the thought, because, honestly, my body had never had any problems reacting like that to him before, so….

“You’re smiling.” Clark’s eyes held some relief and he grinned. “Do you…?”

“Remember something? No.” I rolled my eyes. “And stop asking me that. When I remember something, I’ll tell you.”

“Okay,” Clark agreed.

A little too quickly, in my opinion, which immediately made me suspicious. “Just, okay? No arguments? No debates?”

Clark tilted his head to the side and considered me for a moment. “Contrary to your belief, we don’t always argue about everything. Amazingly enough, sometimes we agree with each other.”

I couldn’t help but grin at that. “We do? Wow, Satan must be walking around in a coat somewhere.”

Clark smiled that slow smile of his that kind of starts in his eyes and then turns into a wide grin. His hand came up and he cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing across my lips. “Lois…” he breathed out my name in a way where it was almost like he hadn’t even said it. “I miss you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I answered faintly, my lips rubbing against his thumb with every word. “I’m right here.”

Clark stared at me for a second and then said, in a husky voice, “I guess you are.”

And, then, he stepped between my legs and leaned down to give me an open-mouthed kiss. I found out fairly quickly that my tight skirt wasn’t that tight and could actually accommodate him, especially since it hiked up my thighs when he parted my legs to get closer. His hands were tangled in my hair and I could hear the hair-pins hitting the desk as the careful knot I’d put together came undone.

I tried to catch my breath, but that only made his tongue slide over my lips in a delicious frenzy. I didn’t quite know how to keep up with his demanding kisses and then his hands began to travel all over my body, sending shooting sparks everywhere he touched. At that point, I knew I was in deep trouble, because I could tell where this was headed and it didn’t look like I was going to stop him.

After a second, it didn’t matter, because he seemed to come to his senses. Clark was the first one to pull away, his hand not very steady, as he helped me pull my skirt down. I flushed a deep red when I saw that the skirt had ridden all the way to my waist and Clark could actually see my underwear, if he glanced down. And, of course, he did. And my face felt like it was on fire. Thankfully, Clark didn’t react. Instead, he pulled away and tactfully turned away from me and averted his gaze until I’d put myself to rights.

We both stood there, absolutely still, for a several beats, until I finally broke the silence. As I’m prone to do. “You know, I think we’re going to pretend that didn’t happen.”

Clark turned back towards me and now it was my turn to avert my gaze when I saw that he was still physically affected by what had just happened. Like I’d told myself years ago when we first met, I internally chanted, look at the face. Much like that night, I didn’t listen to myself.

“Fine. Whatever you want,” Clark said, tersely, and he moved towards the door. He opened it with a couple of quick, efficient, movements. “You wanted to see Brady’s office? Let’s go.”

I stayed where I was and didn’t follow him. “Smallville.” He paused and turned back towards me, waiting by the door. My hand came up, almost of its own accord, towards him. The funny thing was, I didn’t even know what I wanted to say. What was there to say? Finally, in the end, I dropped my hand back to my side and just said, with a tired sigh, “Okay. Lead the way.”

***

Clark calmed down by the time we made it to Brady’s office. Which made sense. Clark never stayed mad long. It was rare that he got mad to begin with, really. And, when he did, it blew over pretty quickly. Thankfully, he seemed to take my request to pretend out little interlude didn’t take place to heart, because he didn’t mention it and he also didn’t try to touch me.

Of course, that didn’t mean that I was able to forget so easily. While he explained to me what happened with Lex Luthor and how someone else was running the Planet now (in fact, Ollie owned Luthorcorp. How bizarre was that?), I was guilty of only listening to him with a half an ear. The other half was buzzing with a bunch of questions. Namely: when the hell did Clark Kent get so sexy and confident? Setting aside the fact that he now tried to have sex with me on two separate occasions (I was going to ignore that he almost succeeded this last time), there was also all the other little stuff. The way he talked to me, the way he was comfortable holding me around everyone else, and how he was always searching for an excuse to touch me.

I peeked up at him out of the corner of my eye as we walked outside (he said he wanted to show me something) and I wondered where all the confidence was coming from. I knew what Clark was like in a relationship and that wasn’t how he usually behaved. I had seen him with Lana and they didn’t act like that. Sure, they kissed and stuff. They hugged and Lana would kind of hold onto his arm and stuff like that. But, for the most part, they kept a healthy distance from each other when we all hung out. In fact, Chloe and I were kind of grateful for it, because who wanted to be around two people with their tongues shoved down each other’s throats all the time? Suddenly, I remembered something. What had Chloe said? About all the times she’d walked in on us? My cheeks flushed as I remembered what we were doing in the supply closet and I realized what she must have meant. Closing my eyes a bit, I had an urge to call my cousin and apologize to her.

Ironically, just as I was reaching for my phone, Clark stopped us in front of a phone booth. “Here we go.”

I stared at the phone booth for a second and then at Clark. “Here what goes?”

“This is it.” Clark looked at me expectantly. “This is what I wanted to show you.”

“A phone booth?” I didn’t bother to hide my consternation. I looked at it and then at the busy street around us. “Please don’t tell me we make out here, too. I don’t think I can handle it.” I mean, it’s true that Clark almost got me to have sex with him in a public place, but he could not be that good.

For the first time since we’d left the supply closet, Clark smiled. “No. Although, we did make out once in the DP phone booth when you were hopped on that lipstick.”

I let out a deep sigh. The problems I faced on a daily basis would make a lesser woman cry. I just rolled my eyes and retorted, “Yes, well, I suppressed those memories, Smallville. Let’s keep them suppressed.” Then, I pulled out my cell and quickly started to type a text to Chloe. So sorry. Don’t ask me why. But I am. I hit ‘send’ and then put the phone away. When I looked up, Clark was giving one of those really disappointed looks. But this one seemed even worse than usual. “What?”

“I thought…” Clark’s voice trailed off and then he shook his head, as though clearing his thoughts. “I thought that if you saw this, that it would definitely mean something. I mean, the Blur was such a huge part of your life for the past year.”

There it was again. That name. “Who’s the Blur?” I asked curiously. “And what does he have to do with a phone booth?”

Clark shrugged. “I think I’m going to agree with Oliver on this one.” The admission seemed to pain him. “But you should read your own articles.”

I nodded slowly. “Right, I’ll get right on that.” Truthfully, it was on my list of things to do, but I’d been so busy that I hadn’t gotten around to it.

“Maybe I should take you back to the farm,” Clark offered, suddenly. “Brady gave you the rest of the week off. You should rest.”

I thought about that for a minute. In all seriousness, I was tired. And my head did ache. But the thought of going to the farm and dealing with Clark and everything he was trying to get me to remember was already exhausting. I couldn’t deal with it. Not to mention, my body was still feeling the after-shocks of what had almost happened between us and every time he got even one inch closer to me, I jumped a foot in reaction. So, even though I knew he was going to have a fit, I said, “You know what? I think I’m just going to go take a walk. Get some air.”

“We’re already outside,” Clark called after me, his tone clearly conveying his frustration. “And you need to be careful.”

I turned around to speak to him, walking backwards. “I lost two years worth of memories, Smallville. I didn’t forget how to walk.” My comeback was a little pointless, because I’d inadvertently stepped out into the road and a car swerved, missing me by inches. I turned and glared at the driver as he honked at me. “Pedestrian right of way, moron!” I called after him.

When I turned back to Clark, he was standing on the corner of the street, his hands were in his coat pockets and he was shaking his head at me, with a little amused grin. I grinned back and held out my hand, “Taxi!!” Before he could stop me, I hopped into the cab that came to a halt and told him the first place that came to mind. “Smallville. The Talon.”

***

I opened the door and let myself in. I had just paid for the most expensive cab ride I’d ever had in my life, but it was worth it. Walking to the apartment, I felt truly at home for the first time since my accident. With a sigh of relief, I noted that not much had changed. I hadn’t really altered the décor much when Lana had moved out and it seemed that Chloe was continuing the tradition. After all, why bother getting new furniture when the old stuff was still fine?

Tossing the keys on the little bowl we kept by the door, I dropped my purse on the floor and then shrugged out of my coat and put it away. The familiar motions were done almost by rote and felt soothing; a balm to my frazzled nerves. I was just contemplating whether I should take a bath when someone came out of the bedroom. I jumped back a foot and then exclaimed, “Oliver!!”

“Lois!” Oliver looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here,” I reminded him. And, then, I winced. “Um… you know what I mean.”

Oliver smiled briefly. “Yes, I do know what you mean.” Oliver held some files in his hands and he held them up, as though anticipating my question. “I stopped by to pick up some papers Chloe left for me here.”

“Why would Chloe be leaving you papers?” To my recollection, Chloe and Oliver had barely even spoken to each other when we were dating. This was a little weird. “You guys barely know each other.”

“She works for me. Chloe heads up one of my subsidiaries. A technology company,” Oliver explained, his ever present grin widening slightly at my unspoken question. “What, jealous, Lane?”

I pursed my lips and walked closer to him, my own lips curving up almost automatically. “Yeah, right, Queen. I seem to recall someone dumping someone else.” I made a show of pretending I was thinking. “Oh yeah, I think that was me dumping you.”

Ollie put his hand on his heart. “You wound me.”

“Hardly,” I retorted. “You wasted no time in getting back in the saddle.” The words left my mouth before I could stop them. I looked away from him, not wanting to show him how much it had hurt when I’d seen his pictures in the tabloids with one starlet after another right after we’d broken up.

For the first time, Oliver dropped his usual teasing grin and said, softly, “I was trying to get over you.”

“How? By sleeping with one slutty-anna after another?” I eyed him skeptically. “That’s a new method I haven’t heard of before. Get over the girl you love by getting herpes.”

“I didn’t sleep with them,” Oliver answered, although he did have the grace to look a little chagrined. “I mean, I dated a lot. It’s not like I wasn’t tempted. But no one….” Oliver looked away from me, then, and admitted, “No one really compared to you.”

I stared at him in shock. “Are you trying to tell me you’ve been a monk since we broke up?” I really didn’t know how to take that. Monk and Oliver Queen? That just didn’t make sense.

Oliver let out a mirthless laugh. “I wish. No, actually, I fell off the wagon awhile back. Probably about six months after we broke up. I hooked up with an ex-girlfriend.” Whatever vestige of a smile he had left completely faded. “And, then, you know, things kind of went downhill from there.”

Oliver and I had always had a pretty blunt relationship. We didn’t talk in circles with each other. It was one of the main reasons I’d actually fallen in love with him. He was the first guy I’d ever opened up to – of course, it kind of sucked to find out, later on, that he hadn’t completely opened up to me along the same vein. But, I suppose, I could understand his need to hide the leather fetish.

Now, though, I decided to push. “You said something like that before, Ollie. What do you mean by that?”

He looked at me and shook his head, his eyes full of sorrow. “I can’t even tell you, Lois. You’ll never look at me the same.”

“I would never judge you, Ollie,” I said gently. I bridged the distance between us and put my hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat racing under my fingers. I stared into those brown eyes I knew so well and said, softly, “You can tell me anything.”

And, so, he did. Everything that had happened to him since we’d broken up poured out of him. One after another. The way he found out that Lionel Luthor had his parents killed and how that turned into a rage that he felt couldn’t be slaked until he’d taken revenge by killing Lex Luthor. And, then, he actually did. Kill Lex Luthor. This all led up to the final revelation, which was devastating on a personal level, which was that Jimmy had died. After he and Chloe got married, they almost got a divorce, and then he was killed. Murdered by a murderous sociopath that had kidnapped her on her wedding day. All of these things had led to Ollie deciding to forsake being the Green Arrow and he had even contemplated ending his own life.

It took me a long time to take in everything he threw at me. At some point, I had sat down on the sofa and hadn’t even realized that he’d thrown the blanket around my shoulders. I guess I’d been shivering and kind of rocking myself back and forth. Not exactly the actions of a sane woman, but I figured I could be forgiven my moment of insanity. Out of everything, my mind went to the one thing that couldn’t be true. “Jimmy….” I whispered, turning to Oliver, who was on the sofa next to me. “God. No.”

Oliver’s eyes were full of regret. “I’m sorry, Lois.”

I stared at him for a full moment and then said, “Damn. No wonder you tried to kill yourself, Ollie. That is one hell of a two years.”

A reluctant laugh escaped his lips and then I was laughing, too. For a second, we both just kind of gave into the laughter. And, then, the laughter kind of fizzled as my tears started to fall. And I was in that place. That place between laughter and tears where one kind of merges with other, and it becomes messy. I was hiccupping and I could hardly gain control of my breathing; the laughter dying away to make room for the sobs racking through me. I felt Oliver’s arms come around me; he stroked my hair and murmured nonsensical things to me in a soothing voice.

I wish I could say it made me feel better, but it didn’t. All I could think about was how I’d given Jimmy such a hard time, but he’d always been there for me. Here I was, some kick-ass reporter, and Jimmy wasn’t even around to share it with. I had meant to look for him at the DP, but I’d been distracted. Now I regretted it. I should have looked for him. Wondered where he was. We were always destined to great things together, even though I’d never told him I felt that way. And, now, I could never tell him. At the thought, I burst into a fresh batch of tears, using Oliver shoulder as an anchor as I tried to gain control of myself.

Since I was in pretty bad shape, it was a given, I suppose, that I didn’t hear the door open until it was too late. I don’t know how long Clark had been standing there, watching me get comforted by Oliver, but I did finally realize he was there when I heard him say, “Lois? What’s going on?”

An odd feeling of déjà vu came over me, as I pulled away from Ollie, out of the circle of his arms. I turned to Clark, almost with a sigh, and then stopped when I realized he actually wasn’t mad. He just looked concerned. I sniffed a bit and reached for the tissue on the table in front of me. Clumsily, I wiped at the tears and then stood up. “Excuse me. I’ll be back.” And, I’m not ashamed to admit it, I ran. I went to the bathroom, where I ordered myself to stop crying and I splashed cold water on my face.

The Talon apartment has many perks (unlimited coffee right downstairs) but it’s not exactly the most durable of homes. The walls are paper thin and you can hear pretty much even a whisper from another room. So, it’s not like I planned to eavesdrop on my current and ex-boyfriend’s conversation. It just so happened that there was no way I could avoid it.

“What did you do to her?” Clark asked, his voice both accusing and pissed off at the same time.

Oliver wasn’t any less pissed off. “I didn’t do anything to her.”

“She’s crying.” Clark, who always has a tendency to be Captain Obvious, pointed out.

“Excellent observation, Sherlock,” Oliver shot back. Which didn’t surprise me, because it was something I would say.

I heard Clark take a deep breath and then say, in a very controlled voice, “Just tell me why she’s crying.”

“I told her about….” I heard Oliver hesitate and then he admitted, “… everything. Lex. My suicide attempt. I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was Jimmy, though.”

Clark let out a frustrated groan. “Oliver. Why did you do that? Like she doesn’t have enough to deal with?”

“What was I supposed to do? Hide everything from her?” Oliver snorted and said, in an acidic tone, “That’s your MO, Clark, not mine.”

Ouch. Low blow. And also kind of didn’t make sense, because Smallville never hid anything from anyone. And, technically, Oliver had hidden something from me. Something huge, in fact.

“You could have just waited for her memories to come back,” Clark pointed out, in what I was impressed to hear was a pretty reasonable tone. Looked like he’d gotten control of himself again.

Oliver clearly didn’t know how to quit when he was ahead. “Don’t you see, Clark? She may not get them back. You need to come to terms with that.”

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” Clark shot back, his voice about ten degrees colder than it was before. At this point, I was considering walking back out there, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Oliver was silent for a second and then I heard him ask, “What do you mean?”

“You think that if she doesn’t get them back, she’ll choose you this time around.” I had never heard Clark use this particular tone of voice before and it took me awhile to define it. After a second, he added, “She won’t. I won’t let that happen.” And then I figured it out. It was jealousy. For the first time in my life, I heard Clark Kent’s voice when he was jealous – over me. And I wanted to die. Of embarrassment. And, just – generally – emotion overload.

Not able to take it anymore, I opened the door and walked back to the living room. Both men barely even noticed I was there. Which was a bit of a weird, since they’d just gotten into a pissing match for me. Then, I noticed that they were still involved in the pissing contest and decided I’d had enough.

“Oliver, you better go,” I said, walking between them and grabbing Oliver’s arm. I pushed him out the door (I’d been doing that a lot lately with the men in my life) and said, “I’ll see you tonight,” before shutting the door in his face.

I turned to face Clark nervously. A huge part of me wanted to kick him out, too, but I knew I owed some sort of explanation. No matter how much I protested, the guy thought I was his girlfriend, so I would understand if he had issues with walking in on me in the arms of another man.

Before I could manage to get a word out, though, he asked me, with concern, “Are you okay?”

Unable to speak, I just nodded. And Clark, who never really ever says much, but always knows what to do, just put his arms around me and pulled me into the warmth of his body. At some point, he’d taken off his coat, but he was still wearing his suit. My arms slid around his waist, burrowing into his jacket and I felt his head rest on top of mine. He didn’t stroke my hair or say anything. Instead, he just tightened his arms around me and kind of lifted me up, so strong that I didn’t even need to stand on my own feet anymore. I don’t know long we stayed like that; him like a rock and me leaning against him for support. But what I do know is that when I was finally able to stand on my own accord, I pulled away. And when I stared at his blue-green eyes (more blue than green sometimes) I felt better. I’m not sure why. But I did.